Structure

I grew up in a very normal family. The family worked, ma worked part time. We partook in many extra curricular activities, became disciplined, knew that whatever you really wanted required working towards it. This was ingrained, therefore, Mysore Style Ashtanga yoga has made sense to me all along. You go through a long of daily hardwork. Sometimes you feel like poo, sometimes you can't imagine how you ever thought it was difficult.

I am a structured creature. However, my "strucutre" has changed so often throughout the years, that perhaps a being changeable is my structure. For example, when I was living in New York, "everyday" I practiced in the afternoon because I worked in the morning. Then... when work changed... "Everyday" I practiced in the morning, then it changed back again. These three thoughts of "everyday" happened over 7 months in NYC total. I only wanted to stay there for a little while, but my reality exists daily. Perhaps this is a good thing, perhaps not.

For example- I have been working mornings to afternoons. I feel like I don't do yoga anymore. Well, intellectually this isn't true... but it feels true. I don't do my routine which was working so well just a couple of months ago- get up, have Komboucha, practice, then go to work. NOW, I teach, then wait around and do yoga in led classes or by myself. Basically, the routine is not there, making things so much harder. Perhaps this is my yogic challenge, getting out of a normal comfortable routine and challenging myself to be what I consider the true tough yoga chic, the one who has to practice on her own. Yep, these women exist all over. They don't have Tim or whomever that they keep returning to, they have to just return to that boring old person, themselves, and truly comfront them. Ahhhh. Self practice is tough. But I once heard that yoga mirrors life. Your daily yoga practice provides exactly what you need every day. Everyday your practice reflects what is going on physically and emotionally, and your yoga practice forces you to confront these issues and direct them towards something greater.

But what if something greater doesn't exist? I have a REALLY hard time accepting Hindu practices, but it has provided me with my own form of Soma (yoga of course). How can yoga come from a practice which also promotes the caste system. No one is "untouchable."

Great visit at the beach today with a bud, decent yoga, and falafel for dinner. I think B is thinking about eating meat again (he went veggie after meeting me almost 2 years ago though I never tried to convince him to do so). He is talking about meat all the time. It is getting really old, funny thing is, not one ounce of me desires to eat meat. I guess if it were consuming my thoughts I would go for it. But I do believe wholeheartedly in Ahimsa. Or perhaps I am truly just a creature of habit?