whoa there nelly

Ok, gotta chill on the xmas shopping. I LOVE LOVE LOVE shopping for gifts and would spend a thousand on each of my family members and friends if let loose. I think I am officially done. I just picked up the last gift for my bro and that was the last one on my list. Yippee!

School is out, today was insane. The kids were so excited to be going on break that it seemed they were all tweaked out on crack. They were sooooo fidgety and wouldn't shut the hell up. The TA and I were yelling all day. Stessful and I'm feeling the stress in my back and in my fatigued body. Oh well, it is breaky break time now so atleast I have two weeks to recover.

I turned in an application today for my "Real" job. Wish me luck for a position teaching second semester. I think I would go gray by 30 if I had to sub all second semester. I want some real money and a real class. I really despise subbing. I wish I could take back how horrible I was as a kid to the subs... ah, what retribution.

Tomorrow we are celebrating our two year anniversary. I got some good gifts for B. He is very practical so I got him socks... ya, I know, but he'll be stoked, believe me. I also got him a temperpedic pillow which he's wanted forever, and lastly a really good bottle of Rhone. I have no idea what he is thinking of for my gift. I know what I want though. Expectations are a bummer.

A cop got shot in Oside near where my students live. It is rough in the valley there. The TA knew the cop. Sucks. They are still on a man hunt, no guy yet. Feel so bad for his family :(

On a lighter note, heading north Saturday night for 10 days with the fam. Can't wait to have some down time, a full fridge, and a comfy couch!

Happy holiday ya'll

and on and on and on and on

I think I have what is considered a "normal" life now. I go through the motions, I get overwhelmed and frustrated, I become tired, I slack off on my extra-curricular activities. I feel that I am going through the motions, plodding along, trying to get to the end, but then it is another beginning, and more desire to finish what ever that is.

I plan life around work. I worry. I wonder about things at work and how they'll turn out.
I do love teaching, but I hate student teaching. Not the 'real' teacher. NOT FREAKING PAID for four months. I am about at the end of my rope. I have so much debt and for what, to be disrespected and frustrated daily. 2 weeks of student teaching left. Next week, and a week in January. All I gotta say is that every teacher in America deserves a doubling of their salary for the shit we put up with. But in the end, I love the students and wouldn't change what I do on a daily basis for anything. The kids keep me young and inspired. I laugh everyday. I learn something everyday. Someone confides in me everyday. I just hope I don't end up losing my marbles trying to keep all my delinquents under control. (If you didn't realize, I teach Special Ed).

That is my life these days.

My back hurts again, need a massage but of course that is out of the question considering I have 24 dollars til the end of the month.

Poor poor pitiful me! hahaha, actually things are good despite all of this and the fact that I am getting sick with a cold and feel like crap today. But like Alison is fond of saying in class these days, something along the lines of "You might as well accept things, because this never ends."

List of latest odds and ends:

1. Modest Mouse concert last weekend was sooooooooooo sweet. Want to see them again in a smaller venue.

2. My house is colder inside than outside

3. I go home next Saturday for 10 days, hallelujah

4. Life is boring sometimes, I'm bored

5. My dog can't get up by himself, poor sweetie. He collapses and looks at me like "why the f did you cut off my leg you bitch?" And then we wonder the same thing

6. I need to find a new place to live, this place sucks

7. I sometimes take a look around and wonder how the hell I got here, to this place, this reality

8. I miss travelling, I miss surfing in warm water, I miss my mysore practice

9. I miss someone very far away that I shouldn't miss still

10. This one is a secret, but believe me, it's intense

New look reflects mood

I get it... subtle annoyance with your presence...

Time for me to go downstairs and get some space. When you love someone why do you get annoyed at them just for being around? This must be the post honeymoon phase. Ouch, scary, when it is still pre-marital phase.

I hate this feeling of annoying someone. Makes me want to get the f out of here and fast.

I know this is just normal crap, but it just sucks (my favorite word as of late).