yoga + alcohol

Drank too much last night/afternoon. 2nd series with a hangover = unhappiness

Indentured Servitue

I start my student teaching Monday. I am afraid. I have five classes, of 40+ Senior English Students. Yes, Afraid I am.

I had a great week. On Monday I saw Tiff's cute new place, even found it without directions as my cell phone decided to die. (Mysterious rebirth however). Watched a flick and had some girl talk-

Thursday hung out with a great group of girls... from every corner of the the country- NYC, the south, WA state, and of course our lone cali girl. We had a wide range of conversations- yoga, sex, boys, kids, sex, yoga. All why enjoying the beauty of wine and girlfriends. Makes me sane to hang out with the girls and realize that we are all going through the same mind-crap. Feelings of inadequacy, relationship ups and downs, career frustrations, money issues, and kids. Though we range the spectrum in background and mindsets, it is great to have a convention on these different issues, and to feel accepted for what you have to say. When I left, I though of the diner conversations from Sex in the City. The group of women with different ideals and experience, that support each other in whatever. I hope I continue to get to know these women. They are rock stars.

Structure

I grew up in a very normal family. The family worked, ma worked part time. We partook in many extra curricular activities, became disciplined, knew that whatever you really wanted required working towards it. This was ingrained, therefore, Mysore Style Ashtanga yoga has made sense to me all along. You go through a long of daily hardwork. Sometimes you feel like poo, sometimes you can't imagine how you ever thought it was difficult.

I am a structured creature. However, my "strucutre" has changed so often throughout the years, that perhaps a being changeable is my structure. For example, when I was living in New York, "everyday" I practiced in the afternoon because I worked in the morning. Then... when work changed... "Everyday" I practiced in the morning, then it changed back again. These three thoughts of "everyday" happened over 7 months in NYC total. I only wanted to stay there for a little while, but my reality exists daily. Perhaps this is a good thing, perhaps not.

For example- I have been working mornings to afternoons. I feel like I don't do yoga anymore. Well, intellectually this isn't true... but it feels true. I don't do my routine which was working so well just a couple of months ago- get up, have Komboucha, practice, then go to work. NOW, I teach, then wait around and do yoga in led classes or by myself. Basically, the routine is not there, making things so much harder. Perhaps this is my yogic challenge, getting out of a normal comfortable routine and challenging myself to be what I consider the true tough yoga chic, the one who has to practice on her own. Yep, these women exist all over. They don't have Tim or whomever that they keep returning to, they have to just return to that boring old person, themselves, and truly comfront them. Ahhhh. Self practice is tough. But I once heard that yoga mirrors life. Your daily yoga practice provides exactly what you need every day. Everyday your practice reflects what is going on physically and emotionally, and your yoga practice forces you to confront these issues and direct them towards something greater.

But what if something greater doesn't exist? I have a REALLY hard time accepting Hindu practices, but it has provided me with my own form of Soma (yoga of course). How can yoga come from a practice which also promotes the caste system. No one is "untouchable."

Great visit at the beach today with a bud, decent yoga, and falafel for dinner. I think B is thinking about eating meat again (he went veggie after meeting me almost 2 years ago though I never tried to convince him to do so). He is talking about meat all the time. It is getting really old, funny thing is, not one ounce of me desires to eat meat. I guess if it were consuming my thoughts I would go for it. But I do believe wholeheartedly in Ahimsa. Or perhaps I am truly just a creature of habit?

She works hard for her money

Last night I hear that B has all these rich uncles. Like multimillionaires. I was thinking, well, they could just give us 1. Just one little measley mil. It wouldn't make a bit of difference to them. We could just, you know, take it off their hands!

It sucks knowing I'll never be able to afford a house here, not that I want to stay here forever, but it is gonna suck leaving friends. Like really suck.

29 and so fine

It was my 29th birthday yesterday. It was great. Most of my friends remembered and called, and all of my family called. My ex even sent me a very nice email. Not bad. A perfect day really. Went to second series in the morning, had breaka, went and got coffee with the man, and then ate at Piatti's in La Jolla. He opened a bottle of Pinot Noir, a '99 Chehalem. One word, yummy.

So my brother is getting a divorce. It is really sad. The whole situation is so wacked. How can two people who were so in love a few years ago now be communicating in one liner emails. I know that B and I have some issues, but I can't imagine having it end so dryly. I hope the best for both of them, I hope they can find someone to better suit each of them.

One the marriage front, I wonder if B will ever propose. Not likely, I think he had well enough of marriage (11 years married, ending 3.5 years ago) and I think I will have to basically threaten him with leaving, and probably do it for a while. That is great, I will have to strong arm him into marrying me, not the best way eh? But, he's great! And I love him. Why doesn't he want to marry me? It'll be two years soon, what else does he need to know to know that I am the one for him? I wonder. I'm getting old man. Arggggg, did anyone else go through this?

Zitti zit zit

I'm almost 29- just a few more days and I am having a huge zit fest on my face. I wonder if not doing yoga (hence not detoxing) will do this. I haven't been able to practice as being home I was very busy and now all of a sudden I have 5 huge mo-fos on my face.

I'm doing yoga tomorrow, yep, on moonday. gotta do what ya gotta do. This is getting gross.

Went home to Washington for a few days, so fun. Caught up with a friend who was having a (Surprise engagement) party. (Jealous) They are sooooooo happy and I'm looking forward to their wedding, though the location is yet undetermined as she is American, he is Italian and they live there, but they are looking to Mexico cause the fam in Italy is going a bit nutzoid over the whole issue. Italy would be sweet, but Mexico much more practical so we'll see.

Today I pretended I was rich and I liked it

I slept in til 815. I went to yoga, went out to lunch with a gf and gossiped, I went shopping at Anthropologie and dropped a serious load of cash. I got coffee. I am now going to the beach.

This is the life.