FREEDOM!!

I finished my hell class yesterday and now this month I have a super light class and a three week vacation. SWEET!!! I'm stoked!

Meg says I need to get out more, suppose she's right. I want to go to see a show at the Belly Up, love that place, going to look into it.

I cut my armpit shaving this morning. OWWW.

Gorgeous outside, going to go to the beach today

Now that.... is a good man

I am eating Pasta Fagioli. B cooked today and it is yum. He is also trying to find us a place to live, puts the toilet seat down, and makes the bed. Yep, it's official. He's a good one. When we met in Dec. 04 after learning that I am vegetarian he said that he had always wanted "to try" vegetarianism. After a while he said he'd try if for a year. Well it has been a year and a half + and he's still veggie. I wonder when he'll eat meat, if ever. I think he would feel that he was commiting some adulterous action against me (WHICH IS RIDICULOUS, I never tell people what they should eat and never told him that). Anyway, it sometimes still boggles me, but it sure is nice to have a veggie man, makes things easier. Maybe that is why he has remained veggie. Relationships are challenging, fantastic, but challenging, maybe he thinks that this will make it easier?

Oh, it's summer. I can hear a sprinkler, an old school one, with the fast, then slow cadence. It is meditative. (Funny that). Reminds me of being a kid, wearing keds, drinking Pepsi and eating Red Vines. (Hello sugar coma). I grew up on the Snake River and I loved those hot nights and it staying light until 10pm, riding on the ski boat.

Eww yuck, lander has the farts again. That dog has the worst, and most frequent farts of any animal species that I have ever encountered. But, he is a sweety, well, a freak, but a sweety.

I had to drive freaking everywhere today and on a tight budget that hurts. I bet I dropped 20 bucks on gas alone today. O-side to Encinitas for yoga, back home, to Escondido (Work), to Mission Valley (to drop off school crap), back to O-side, then going back to Cardiff (to meet up with my home girls), then home. Ok, that is, let me count-20, 20, 30, 40, 20. Geez, I am ruining the planet all on my own today. 130 miles of driving today. Ridiculous.

Yoga was mellow this morning, my hips are tight. Why is that? I am bow-legged, I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I also have a 3 yr old hamstring injury. My previous teacher Govinda once told me that hamstring issues stem from unexpressed rage. LOL!! I think I verbalize being pissed off pretty well.

Alright all you hoochie mamas and papas... have a good night

Crankin it out

Got loads of school work... arg. All my creativity goes into my volumes of lesson plans that I am creating (20 full length... so like 60 hours of work), Hence the very uninspired posts, so those who read this blog are probably bored out of their minds. I don't know who reads this as only Megsta comments...(go meg) Come on, give me some love commenting bloggers! Sorry, I must be getting a bit dilirious...

Something really pissed me off this afternoon, but it is a small blog world so I am not going to blab.

My change in blog template reflects my desire for change. Right now, this is the only kind of change I can make! Soon enough though, we'll be on our vacation, moved out, heading into a new job, and new experiences. Just get me through this class... (ends this weekend) and it will be the start of summer for lizzi-liz... I love you summer

That's Karma Yoga-Yo

"The performance of actions dwelling in union with the Divine, removing attachment and remaining balanced ever in success and failure." Yesterday at Ali's class she was talking about a book called "The New Earth." From what she was saying, the book is basically about Karma Yoga. Letting the action pass through you...

So I have tons of shit to do and am trying to do it via Karma yoga. Not getting too attached to the process or to the end result, just doing it and taking pleasure in the fact that there is enjoyment in just performing a task. Atleast that is what I am trying to convince myself of.

On particularly frustrating days I try to REALLY ingrain these thoughts in my head, just go through it and appreciate the experience... just let it pass. Funny how at the restaurant where I work I need to put this in practice practically every second. The chef there can be ridiculous. He is a childish ego maniac. When he gets stressed he'll say "you fucking bitch, shit fucking bitch... mother fucker..." to all of the servers. Ok, except for one of them, the only male server. And of course he never says anything to him. He'll also call his (female) sous chefs mo fos too. How pathetic. Ok, hello, are you a pre pubescent dilinquent child? yes, I guess so. Won't be missing that job. (I am going to quit when we go on vacation) YIPPEE. The money isn't worth it. I need to get a better serving job when I get back in July. I hope to have two jobs in July, I'll be teaching ESL and hopefully there no one will be calling me a mother fucking bitch. Atleast if they do I can give them an F.

stuff

Supposedly the moon is in Venus. If you believe in those sorts a things it means that our emotions might be wreaking havoc on our sanity... Quite possible. I sometimes have these overwhelming emotions that consume my mind and body. Not that this is always a bad thing, sometimes it's fun! I don't think I believe in Vedic Astrology but it does provide restitude when your thoughts feel like they are marauding your life.

Anyways, things are good today. Need to stop procrastinating now.

Bali

Couldn't get to yoga this morning cause traffic was so bad. After twenty minutes of 2 mph I had had enough. There was a semi that overturned and blocked off pretty much all of 1-5. I hate So cal traffic. I am actually getting pretty sick of the area in general. Hello, how much more expensive can it be? I am dreaming of my days living in Bali where everything was cheap and I made good money...mmmm.... I dream of Bali.

My ex had his birthday, his 30th, a couple of days ago. We met in Bali in 2001. Weird, I kinda feel weird. Maybe cause i've had a glass of wine and am getting all sentimental...I met him 5 years ago when my life was so different... Ah, when we were young! Not that things aren't good now, just things are different. I need a mix of then and now, the feeling of doing whatever I wanted with my life, and the feeling of being content with that choice. I have experienced both of those feelings, yet I haven't experienced them at the same time...

Blood and Homelessness

Tonight at softball Andrea was in left field. She reached for a ball with both hands and, from what I saw, the ball bounced and broke her thumb... Like the bone came out, blood pouring out, not even a wimper. She's awesome. She was sitting in the waiting room for about 2 hours at the ER. Our health care system is ridiculous. I remember a conversation once with an anti-universal health care-ite. Their arguement was "in those systems you have to wait hours to see a doctor." Well, there you go, isn't that what we are dealing with. Hopefully she has health care... scary thought. She is Canadian- hmmm, I wonder how that effects things. Showing my ignorance here. Anyway, our health care system needs serious help and god help anything happening to me as I have no health insurance. Yes, I'm sure there will be several people shaking their head, but it is just the way it is for now, soon things will change once I get my teaching job. Anyway, here's to Andrea taking one for the team.

Second big news of the day is come June 15, we are homeless. Got a call from my landlord and he's selling the place. He has a baby on the way and the cost of the house up in LA and this place's additional 1200 bucks on top of our rent for the mortgage is just too much for him. So, we need to find a place and by the first of July. We are going to be taking a vacation late june so we'll probably just rent out a storage space for a little while and live out of the van. Comes full circle. When I met B I was homeless and I ended up staying with him in the 1985 VW. He had just gotten back to town after a long trip and therefore was also homeless. I had known him only a few weeks and then ended up staying with him for a couple of weeks outside his friends place. Awwww, and we're still together :) The tough thing is finding a cheap, clean place that allows dogs. NOT EASY...

brain damage

I think my brain just doesn't really work that well anymore. I can't do any assignments for class I am taking, I just feel like I've got not much at all to say. Same as on my blog. I read other people's blogs and they make insightful reflections on daily life occurences. Lately I just am going through the motions... you know?

Doing a double today, that is good...need the dinero.

I'm at the library... hi, why is this old fart checking me out and talking on his cell phone. Both should be illegal. Hello!! he's older than my father- ewwww, gross. Maybe I look old or something? EEEEEK! Ew gross, he just tried to talk to me~~~~~~

Did we turn into a Bikram's studio, or what?

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot at practice. It was boiling and I was drenched, yes drenched. Pools of other people's sweat were splatered around the room. Someone doing tic tocs ate it on his own sweat. (Kinda one of those things where you can't help but have a little laugh).

Kombucha is yum. Gingerberry is yummiest. I wish it were cheaper!

B is all flustered trying to do something on his computer. Lander still stinks, going to try to brush his teeth tonight. That should be interesting.

No freaking way

We won our softball game against a good team. We are actually tied for 2nd in the league. Trippy cause we were tied for last place last season!!! Weird but cool.

I was tired at yoga today, and even more tired afterwards... Hope I'm not getting sick.

Lander has rotten fish breath for some weird reason, and farts non stop. Lovely aroma we've got going here...

A friend in need is a friend indeed

You ever have those moments when you just want to take your friend by the shoulders, and force them to hear you say "IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY!!!" and then all of a sudden they will realize it, then be fine...? I have a friend going through some relationship stuff and what I want her to know is that truly- it will be ok, this is for the best, she's too great to worry about such stuff- but at the same time I know exactly what it is like to be in that situation. And when you are in that situation all you really want from your friends is a big giant hug and for that feeling of emptiness to disappear. So here's one to you girl, you know who you are, and yes, it will be okay.

I went to the SF ballet yesterday and just got back from the airport. All I gotta say is going to the ballet is just one of those things you gotta do in life. GORGEOUS.

No yoga for three days, kinda nice to have a little holiday. Makes me really want to get back to practice tomorrow.

Going to be teaching ESL for July and August in O'side. Plan on taking a two week holiday in June... YIPPPEEE!! Thinking of going to Oregon and maybe on up to visit the folks and bro.

It's good to be home, B gets home from class soon, it's just me and the puppy waiting. I love having a dog, even though he's a smelly and high maintenance little guy, it's great having him. Makes it feel like a real home.

First series in the morn, lots of sitting over the weekend so I'm looking forward to working the kinks out.

My so called boring life

Ok, I never do anything but work, school, and yoga. And the thing is, I don't want to. I don't really want to go out. It feels like I know everything that is going to happen and then have a headache the next day. What's the point?

I am going to Santa Cruz this weekend to see the ballet. Thank the good lord above, I gotta get out of So Cal. I am itching for atleast a slight change of pace.

BTW, go "Young Guns." We won our game and we are now 4 and 2. We are 4th overall in the league... Big improvement from last season when we won only 1 game!

I have so much on my mind, but just no energy to articulate it... I wish I had a big Mind-Swiffer to take away all the dust and cobwebs.

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada"

Gotta love Britney Spears and her incredibly intelligent comments.

Speaking of traveling, I don't. Well, anymore. This year I had all these grandiose plans, and none of them, yep, none, are going to happen. I was supposed to go to Venice with my bro, that didn't happen. I was supposed to visit my girls in NYC, that ain't happening either. Lastly, Alaska with ma in August, and yep, that fell through too. Poor poor pitiful me. Deal is- I need to get my shit together and once I get a teaching job I will be financially independent. Fuck this being poor crap. If I don't get a vacation in June with B I'm going to have a breakdown, and that ain't good for anyone.

I was playing around yesterday doing handstands. I dropped into bakasana twice without falling off my arms. So fun. I did it twice in practice this morning too. Bhandas, joyous bhandas... you are in there somewhere.

Saw the Neil Young movie last night. His lyrics always dive straight into my heart. Makes me think about all sorts of stuff...Missing old loves especially. I think I still have issues about my ex. I wish I could just let it go. Hearts are the slowest to heal, slower than hamstrings even! This song kills me...

I just want to thank you
For all of the things you've done
I'm thinking about you
I just want to send my love
I send my best to you
That's my message of love
For all the things you did
I can never thank you enough
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth

Oh...I just want to tell you
You sure mean a lot to me
It may sound simple
But you are the world to me
It's such a precious thing
That time we shared together
I must apologize
For the troubled times
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth